Dr Epiphania Kimaro

A key component of personal and professional growth lies in our ability to receive, process, and constructively respond to negative feedback. The challenge we often face with negative feedback is differentiating between intent and impact. While feedback is often given based on the impact our actions and/or behaviours have caused, we often process it while taking to account our intentions, which is okay, but we must be cognisant not to respond to feedback based only on intentions and ignore the impact part.

Feedback says: “this is the impact your actions have had on me/others/the business. It does not say: you had bad intentions to do/say/behave the way you did.

When given negative feedback, be empowered and remain grounded in the fact that you are the only one who can accurately speak about your intentions, not others. So, your job is to clarify your intentions; address the impact; and work to reduce the gap between intention and impact going forward. This framing is key as without it we are likely to take feedback as a comment on our intentions, which can quickly render us defensive, taking away our power to handle the feedback effectively.

While defensiveness is without fail the quickest way to end a discussion, it is also the most efficient killer of seeds to our future growth opportunities. So, as uncomfortable as it is to receive feedback that we have impacted others in ways that we did not intend, our real growth lies in the ability to sit with and reflect through the discomfort. Key to remember is that feedback is a key signal to follow through for personal and professional growth. This is because:

• Personal growth lies in our ability to reduce the gaps between intentions and impact; leading to our professional growth, which involves:
• Our ability to positively impact and influence others; and support, rather than frustrate shared goals; and
• Negative feedback is a golden opportunity for change, but … you cannot change what you cannot face.

Now, how do we handle negative feedback effectively? Here is a five-step process:

1. Understanding

As obvious as the phrase “seek first to understand before seeking to be understood” sounds, it is a difficult one to follow especially when we are on the hot seat of receiving negative feedback. But if there is one thing worth your time, effort, and discomfort, it is this. Ask questions about the feedback with one and only one goal: to understand. Not to challenge. Not to defend our position. Not to dismiss. Not to explain. Not to blame. Just to understand. And if you are a leader, this is double important.

2. Acknowledging

It is not easy to acknowledge what we do not agree with. And this becomes even more difficult when we conflate acknowledging with agreeing. Acknowledging does not mean agreeing. When we acknowledge we are saying: I have listened and heard what you have said … I acknowledge that what you see/feel/perceive at the moment is your reality … I can see where/how/why it may feel the way it does for you.  Acknowledging can also be I have heard you and I am still finding it difficult to see your perspective. When we acknowledge, we squarely focus on how the feedback has landed for us, not on its factual correctness or logical resonance. Jumping to respond to feedback pre-maturely is just a withdrawal from our perceived leadership potential.

3. Reflecting

This is the crucial time to think that I often talk about. If we really take time to examine the extent to which we take time to really think and reflect on something before responding we will be amazed by how much we react without sufficient reflection. Building personal capacity to take perspective is key. To accurately assess situations while taking into account our own biases, strengths and weaknesses. The truth is that many of us have natural tendencies that would be downright counterproductive in handling negative feedback. The question is, are we aware of them? Do we know what triggers them? What tools and strategies have we put in place to mitigate their impact? As the adage goes: Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one’s awareness of their ignorance. Being aware of what we do not know is as important, if not more important than being aware of what we know.

4. Accepting

This is the part where we show our potential to shine. We show that we have capacity for self-reflection and retrospection. We see and take ownership for our part. We show that we have tolerance for shortfalls, our own and others’. Our aim is not to appear perfect. So, we focus less on explaining ourselves and more on being forward-looking to discuss ways forward, which leads us to the final step of taking action.

5. Taking action

Now the time has come to do what we have been restraining ourselves from doing prematurely – responding to the feedback with our perspectives and propositions for a way forward. Remember, we are ready for this stage only after we have taken time to understand, reflect, and own our part in the feedback. We take corrective action if needed, such as making apologies, but also charter a way forward based on the lessons we picked from the feedback.

When we can follow this process, we will realise that we do not dread negative feedback. In fact, we welcome it because we see an opportunity in it to showcase our leadership capacity and potential.

Therefore, as you chose to BE MORE this week, choose to deal with negative feedback like a pro. Remember, it involves going beyond clarifying intentions to figuring ways to reduce the gap between intentions and impact. The more your impact aligns with your intentions the more robust ground you stand for sustained personal and professional growth.

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Until next time,

Cheers!

Dr EK.